...and we're back!

"Has no one ever told you about the law of Undulation? ... As long as he lives on earth periods of emotional and bodily richness and liveliness will alternate with periods of numbness and poverty..."

-Screwtape

The Screwtape Letters

C.S. Lewis

I have to admit I was supremely upset at my fundraising failures over the past few weeks.  But, I know the Lord is good.  And I have tangible evidence!

First, the cigar and Scotch fundraiser.  Yeah, I had to cancel and will have to reschedule.  There's some good stuff that came from that very weekend, however.  Months before, my friend Adam K. invited me to his church's men's retreat.  I was planning on going, but inadvertently scheduled the Scotch night for the same weekend, meaning both a) he and two other guys couldn't attend the fundraiser and b) I couldn't attend the retreat.  I pressed on with my plans, only to have them fail.  But [the other] Adam was faithful.  He even prepaid for the retreat for me, knowing I wasn't planning on attending.  So, when I canceled the event, I was able to attend Friday night. 

And boy did I need it.  My anguish over inability to succeed on two fundraising fronts melted away when I got to the retreat.  I played some beach volleyball with some awesome guys, ate some great food, and had encouraging fellowship.  Then, when it came time for their evening worship service, they asked me to play bass guitar.  I was secretly hoping I'd get to jam later that night, but I didn't think I'd be put on the stage.  I went up there with no practice, on a 5-string bass (I only play a 4-), and only knew one of the four songs.  And to top it all off, I was following off the leader's notes, and he used a capo on two songs (meaning I had to transpose in my head on the fly...not my strength).  Despite all of that, it was good.  I struggled, but I really got to worship from behind that instrument that night.  The speaking afterwards even added to a string of common thought I've been feeling from the Father lately.  Bottom line: I needed to be there and despite my stubbornness, He saw me through.

I also lamented my company's HR department and their refusal to let me brew the JustLoveCoffee at work.  This seemed like a ridiculous injustice to me.  Instead of storming off mad, however, I felt compelled to work out a solution.  I kept going back and finding ways to help them justify this.  And, after a couple weeks, I received an email approving our new coffee pot.  The only drawback was that I couldn't collect money and brew only coffee that benefited my adoption.  We agreed to have all the coffee drinkers take turns bringing in their choice of coffee.  I had already purchased a box of Ethiopian Sidamo beforehand, and it arrived the SAME DAY I received the approval email from HR.  I brewed it up the other day and everyone seems to like it.  And most of the people are going to be buying and bringing in coffee from our storefront when it's their turn.  So, the coffee fundraising is off the ground!  Including me, there are three other customers who've purchased from our site, and we've raised $30 towards the adoption in the last week. 

So, I'm back into one of those aforementioned periods of emotional richness.

For those of you experiencing similar drawbacks, do not give up.  Accept His guiding.  Don't stop laboring to bring your adopted child home.  Forces will push back against you, but you must remain faithful as He is faithful.

To quote Screwtape again, "[The demonic] cause is never more in danger, than when a human, no longer desiring, but intending, to do [God's] will, looks round upon a universe from which every trace of Him seems to have vanished, and asks why he has been forsaken, and still obeys."

Let's Run!

I've been trying to run all-terrain, since the race is all-terrain.  So far the best I've done is two miles.  But this race is a 5K (over three miles).  And there are obstacles (and zombies!).  So, I need to be able to run well over three miles no sweat.  I found a cool tool online that helps log local running routes.  It's on walkjogrun.net.

Here I go, 2.8 miles.  I'm going for it.  Hit you up when I'm done.

UPDATE: I ran 29:38 the first time.

Then I went back two days later and ran it in 27:52. 

Almost a 5k

2.8 miles / 4.5061632 km

Created 09.24.11 by adamjcrockett

Argh! Fundraising Woes

I'm just going to wear my frustration on my sleeve for a bit.  I'm finding some (what I thought to be) really slam dunk fundraisers coming up fruitless right now.  It's bumming me out.

First, at work.  There is a coffee pot in my department.  It is run by a couple of the employees, with cups of Joe costing a meager $0.15; drinking coffee for a day will run you $1.00.  Here's the deal: the coffee is BAD.  Terrible.  It's Maxwell house, which they buy in bulk, then pre-fill into filters which then sit for up to 48 hours in a drawer in the kitchen.  And they make it so WEAK.  Every day, entering the office means being hit by a wave of stale coffee aroma.  If you ever had to go to work with a parents on a sick day, you know that smell I'm talking talking about.  I mean, there are a solid dozen coworkers that HATE this coffee, and only drink it because it's the only game in town.

Why bring up the nasty coffee?  Because Lindsey and I have a Just Love Coffee storefront and it donates to our adoption every time someone buys through the storefront here.  Fair Trade Organic Ethiopian coffee.  Real primo stuff.  I mean, coffee BEGAN in Ethiopia, before it was anywhere else in the WORLD!  Sadly, not a single bag of this coffee has been purchased, and I thought it would be cool to brew it and sell it at work.  You know, like they ALREADY DO.  I wanted to be above board, and I contacted HR.  Bad idea.

HR said they couldn't allow it because it would be supporting my personal fundraiser and if they did that they'd open the door to a myriad of other fundraisers.  Apparently they're not hip to the Girl Scout Cookies, Greg's daughter's band trip candy bar sale, and all the other rackets going on.  Somehow putting a second coffee pot (so that I don't upset the people who like the bad coffee) just won't do.  This all kinds of stinks.

Second, my cigar and Scotch night.  I had the idea to do a guy-friendly fundraiser after seeing Lindsey do all these girly parties to raise adoption funds.  I found a local cigar shop with a private lounge.  They agreed to host.  I had four bottles of Scotch donated by family.  Men could come and pay a cover charge and get a cigar and some Scotch (included in the price).  All the proceeds would go to the adoption.

At one point I had 15 confirmed attendees.  Then, one-by-one, they dropped out.  I even had a buddy coming all the way from Maryland.  But sadly he had to drop out last-minute.  The night before the event, several folks dropped out, too.  I decided to cancel when I got down to three confirmed attendees. I couldn't see the benefit in cracking open $150 worth of Scotch for donations totaling less than that.  Sigh...I'll reschedule and hopefully it'll go better.

I'm really trying to be ok with these failures.  Surely the Lord is in control.  In fact, we just received a donation which put us over our next funding hurdle.  Praise Him for providence.

Phillippians 2:12 has been on my heart for a week now, and it hits me right now: "Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed—not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence—continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling..."

Inspiration via Common Song

Lindsey made us an adoption mixtape.  Since it has some TobyMac on it, I felt it obligatory to title it Ill 'doptcha.  


Anyway, it has this song by Aaron Ivey titled Amos Story (which I learned are the names of his two adopted children from Haiti).  It's really been speaking to me lately, and the one line that I can't shake is, "I'll find a way to get you here."  When I'm running, training for the race, and I'm losing motivation, I just remember that line.  I'll find a way.  Giving plasma, running races, holding fundraisers, selling video games...


I'll find a way.


Here's the awesome video, and the lyrics are below.  Enjoy.

Another photograph to wrestle in my head
Another sleepless night on concrete featherbed
These thoughts of you like bullets to my soul
We’ve got to find a way to get you home

I’ll find a way to get you here
If it takes my fleeting breath
Another sunrise hits the ground
And it’s a dark lonely sight
Lightyears away I hope you know
There is somebody searching
For the way to get you here

I will get you here

Throw the clocks away and run out to the street

We’ll fly to distant clouds where it’s just you and me
A day will come when all of this is gone

You’ve got to find a way to believe

I’ll find a way to get you here
If it takes my fleeting breath
Another sunrise hits the ground
And it’s a dark lonely sight
Lightyears away I hope you know
There is somebody searching
For the way to get you here
I will get you here

Close your eyes and dream of a better day with me
As angels hold you tight, may you sleep in peace tonight

So dream, dream, dream my child
Hear the whisperings of hope

It’s a song that you can sing, as you sleep in peace tonight

Why Adopt? Part 2: A Matter of Timing

I wrote in this post the fundamental teachings and original feelings I had which led me to want to adopt.  I'd like to share with those interested a deeper look at my heart on this journey.

Why now?  Why, at 27, after having two biological kids with my wife, am I adopting?

A year ago I couldn't have told you what my purpose was.  I wanted to know it.  I yearned for it.  And a year ago I was ashamed of that fact.  But now that I know what I must do for His Kingdom while on this earth, I don't feel shame for not knowing his call on my life back then.  Why?  It has become increasingly apparent to me that you don't find your passion.

It finds you.

While groping about seeking gratification, the praises of man, the pinnacle of Maslow's hierarchy, or simply to serve God well, we spend much time just 'doing' stuff.  Even with good intentions, until our passion finds us we sprint in random directions, certain that being busy (regardless of the cause) is better than nothing.  Perhaps it is.  But it doesn't compare with the long haul run of faith you begin when your purpose is revealed.

At my current job we do a lot with lasers.  I buy a lot of custom optic elements for the company.  Crystals are grown, harvested, machined, polished, and coated with meticulous detail.  You can't rush this process.  Doing so means a broken lens, a scratched prism, a cloudy coating.  The optical elements exist to affect the light passing through the lenses in a very specific way (bend it, straighten it, reflect it, intensify it).  The elements DEFINE the beam.  For all its glory, a laser is useless (and sometimes even randomly destructive) without passing through the appropriate optical elements.

So it is with our purpose and passion.  We dare not rush (but should rightly yearn for) the revelation of our defining goal.  For it is worth it to to finally have the white hot beam of our everything focused into a coherent life for His glory and for the good of those in our lives.

I am convinced that the Lord formed Lindsey and I for this purpose; to love the oppressed and defend the defenseless.  This begins with us snatching up a helpless babe with the odds against him/her and making him/her a permanent part of our lives.  I'm excited to see where else it goes!

And here's the irony of it all.  A year ago, we were in such a better financial position to adopt.  Pragmatically, it would have been 'smarter' to do so then, right?

I'm well aware that a solid portion of family, friends, and strangers are suspect of our intentions since we are a fundraising family (i.e., we don't have $30K in cash to drop at once to bring this baby home).  I understand these concerns.  In their shoes, even six months ago, I'd pass the same judgment.  That's largely why I don't get upset when they lob their comments.  They are me, mere months before, and their passion is not mine.

Yes, I have a mortgage which sucks up money I could use to fund adopting.  Yes, I made more at my last job.  Yes, it would be much easier on those around me if I saved for several years and didn't ask for donations.  But back when we had the money to drop on something like this, we weren't called to.  And I refuse to let godless details postpone the start of my life's work (more than one adoption, I'm convinced.  More in another post.)

Moses would have made more sense confronting Pharoah after some speech classes.  David would have been a smarter choice for king after he grew up some more, had a few campaigns under his belt, and Saul nicely succumbed to fading health.  Peter might have been a more wise choice in the people's eyes had he gone to seminary for four years before he started following Jesus.  Paul could have saved a whole lot of backpedaling if God had simply called him before he went down the Pharisee path.  But here's the rub.  Our Lord confounds us.

And praise Him for it!  How much more I lean on him, and how much more is He evident in this adoption now that the 'rational stuff' has been stripped away by His impeccable (and gloriously problematic) timing.